Hi Mamas,

Recently, I have found myself repeatedly telling my kids - you can’t control what other people do, but you can control your reaction to it.

I heard this piece of advice about ten years ago, and I honestly think it has changed the way I look at everything since then. It is such a powerful idea because it is so multifaceted and can be applied to so many areas of our lives. It is a reminder that we can just let things go, if we choose to. When I remind myself of this, despite being someone who likes to be in control, I feel more at peace. It releases so much pressure!

This idea allows me to let go of trying to control some of the things my teenager does that I do not like. He is becoming his own person and I need to give him room to grow (said sometimes through gritted teeth). It allows me to remind my daughter when she tells me people don’t want to play with her, although it isn’t kind and it feels yucky, it is not something she can control. She can, however, control her reaction and choose to go play with someone else which might make things a bit more bearable. I can choose to unfollow people on social media who are negative and whiney because I do not like how I feel when I see their posts. I can also choose to unfollow totally fabulous people who make me feel like an inadequate mom because they cut their kids sandwiches into heart shapes and leave notes in their lunchbox and I do not. (I did do the note one time which I was actually really excited about, but honestly, who has the time for that?!)

When someone is rude, unkind or angry towards you - a shop assistant, a taxi driver, a colleague, your spouse, your child, how do you react? Many people may immediately fire back, because it feels like a personal attack. However, if we take even a moment to remind ourselves that we can control how we react, it is empowering. It also gives us pause for thought. Maybe exploding is not going to help anyone here.

We need to remind ourselves that when others react badly, it is often them and their shit, not us and ours. We can choose to engage, which releases cortisol, makes us stressed, and leaves us feel angry, negative or depleted. Or we can choose not to engage. We can walk away, or we can respond with love (depending on who it is!); sometimes our kids are mean, rude or badly behaved because they are in pain. It is our job to figure out why and to respond in kind.

Of course, this is easier said than done, and we all react and explode at times, especially when we are triggered. But it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to become more aware of our reactions. It’s all mindset work, which as we know, we need to do a small amount of daily in order to get results.

Let's work on Be[ing] More this week Mamas.

Have a great week.

Natalie x

Weekly Reminder - " “I can’t control what others say or do, but I can control my reaction.” (say in your head, whisper, say out loud, write it down and shout it out, multiple times a day).

Weekly Read/Audible - Happy Place Podcast Fern Cotton interviews celebrities and chats all things mindset. 

Weekly Reset - Write this week's Reminder on a post-it note and put it on your fridge, so everyone in the family can benefit from its wisdom :-)